At Bakeri this afternoon - w4m - 25 (Williamsburg)

You were at Bakeri around 1pm this afternoon in the back garden, reading Patti Smith's Just Kids and beep-booping away on your ipad. Gray t-shirt, Sperry boat shoes, a little salt, a lot of pepper. I was with my friend having lunch sitting at a table in front of you, wearing a gray tank top and blue jeans, shoulder-length black hair. Not that it matters since I don't think you even looked up, so this isn't even technically a missed connection.
Whatever, you are super dreamy. Here I go. Don't get weird.

If you aren't gay/taken, I hope this dumb message finds you and maybe we can share a coffee there, at the same table this time.

Elise is an account executive that works in mid-town. It's not her dream job, but it pays the bills. She hopes to do something more creative with her life, but for now, she's content in her snappy black pant suits and sensible high heels. Today though, she wasn't up for going to the office. She woke up in the morning and e-mailed her boss that she was under the weather and would work from home. Of course, we all know working from home means checking e-mail before you leave to do whatever you like. She washed her face, caught up with Matt, Ann, Natalie and Al and called her friend Sam.

Sam doesn't work, he just sort of hangs out on his parent's dime, after all, this is Williamsburg. That makes him the perfect friend to have around when you have a day off, he's almost always available. They met up at about 11:00 and bummed around for a little while before Sam suggested some food. Elise was already growing tired of his company and hoped that some sustenance would help...at least she wasn't back at the office, right?

A casual and approachable hostess sat the pair down at a table. After reading the menu ten times, Elise looked up from the table and saw Michael. Michael was playing hooky just like Elise from his photo assistant job and he certainly looked the part. He was engrossed in Just Kids and couldn't really be bothered to look up, even at our almost-charming Elise.

Sam could see that Elise was losing interest in his discussion of how cartoons used to be better before Pixar came on the scene noticed her gaze was fixed on Michael in the corner.

"It's rude to stare, it's also rude to you know, ignore me."
"Sorry, I'm trying to get his attention."
"Oh yah, because he can definitely hear your eyes undressing him."
"Sam, get a job, you're a waste of life."
"Okay, how about you shut up."
"Sam."
"How about you go to your job."
"Whatever, I'm tired"
"You're not tired of being stupid."
"Wow."
"Also, that guy is clearly gay."

Before the two could finish their bickering, the waitress came to take their order and Elise's laser focus was broken. Oh no! Lasers! She thought better of her staring and figured he wasn't going to look up and after all, maybe it wasn't her fault, maybe Sam was right and Michael was gay. Meanwhile, Michael had absolutely no clue what was going on.

When she got in to work the next morning, Elise got bored in minutes and decided she'd test fate and post a missed connection. As she wrote it, she felt silly and naive, but it was either that or the exciting world of Excel.

Redhead on G train - m4w - 23 (Ft. Greene)

You had such finely tinctured red hair and endearing glasses. I was the boy sitting across from you reading. I glanced up at you from time to time so caught, as I was, with your beauty. I wanted to talk to you, but you seemed distant, maybe a bit forlorn.

I hope to hear from you, splendid nighttime apparition.

David moved to Brooklyn after he graduated from NYU to be a writer. Of course, that's easier said than done and he'd spent the better part of the last two years working at a restaurant and writing freelance whenever he can. Like any other idealistic NYU graduate, he has dreams of writing pieces for Vanity Fair, The New Yorker or New York Magazine. Until that day comes, he'll try and be content writing for different blogs for next-to-nothing. He broke up with his girlfriend from college a few months ago and in his desperate attempts to be so "writerly" he was moping around the cruel streets of Greenpoint.

Elizabeth hates Brooklyn, she couldn't believe she'd been dragged out there for a friend's housewarming. She much preferred the familiarity of Manhattan, but even then she was tortured to go above 14th st. She came to New York to work in fashion, maybe as an editor or a designer but found herself quite comfortable in public relations. Elizabeth had that perfect combination of kindness and shiftiness that's perfect for PR. Typically, you could find her leaning up against a bar you probably haven't heard of yet, but for tonight, she was in Brooklyn, deep in Brooklyn.

David, ever-idealistic and nearly tragic, was reading a dog-eared copy of The Bell Jar when Elizabeth got on the train. In his emo-ness, he mistook her misery of being in Brooklyn for a sort of guardedness. To him, she was lost and needed rescuing from some dire situation and he was her only hope. Of course, we know better. Her red hair kept his gaze several times as it almost sparkled in the lights of the G-train, almost like embers on an extinguished fire. Elizabeth was merely hoping to get home sooner rather than later and was already upset she had another transfer to take.

Chat about crazy lady on 6 train - w4m (Midtown East)

You and I had an interesting moment on the 6 train Monday evening when an insane woman almost hit you. We had a laugh and chat about it afterward. When I got off at Astor and looked back you smiled. Wish I had given you my number. The moment was magical.

sara lives down in the financial district. if it were up to her she'd live somewhere like nolita or the west village but with her current financial situation, she'd have to live with 5 people. although it may seem like a good idea, she knows that it's something she'd regret down the line. so for now she has a studio at a recession rental rate. by day, sara works for an uptight communications firm in midtown. it's not ideal, but who has an ideal job these days anyway? she'd prefer a more casual place, a boutique firm where they have a nerf basketball hoop or something in the office. today at work, she gets a text in the morning from jason. the two met in college and grew close fast, they only hang out once every couple weeks but it's always a good time

jason: hey dinner tonight?
sara: heyyy can't do dinner (LIES) coffee?
jason: yah starbucks in astor?
sara: sounds good see you at 7?
jason: yupp later

work is slow that day, long meeting to long meeting to meetings talking about previous long meetings and touchbases. 6:30 rolls around and she's off to meet jason in astor place. she grabs her bag and sees her guilty secret...fit flops..."no" she thinks, not today. pumps and all she descends to the 6 train at 59th st. she experiences that sheer joy as the train pulls up right as she enters and congratulates herself, she timed it perfectly today, well done.

she snags a seat before the slow moving, morbidly obese new yorkers can get to the bench. she wonders how they even manage this city at all, especially in the summer. a boy sits next to her and she doesn't think anything of it, she's more distracted by the ridiculous insane person coming from the other car. the woman keeps screaming that everybody is afraid of black people and that's why nobody is looking at her. sara makes no attempt at eye contact with crazy. as people turn to ignore the insane beast, her frustration grows. she is hungry for a victim and has her sites set on the boy to sara's right.

the insane lady goes right up to him, "what bitch, why you lookin' down, you afraid of black people?" sara looks down and is starting to get a little scared but doesn't show it, her headphones will protect her. the wretched woman continues to the boy, "what bitch?! what!? what now?" and then makes a bizarre request, "order me dinner bitch!" sara loses control and starts giggling, the dinner request was over the top, but typical of a subway lunatic. the boy buried his head in his hands as if he was laughing, which angered the wretched beast. she raised her hand to hit him but decided he was not worth it and shuffled off to the next train. the boy lifted his head up and burst out laughing. other train go-ers were recounting the confrontation and smiling...there was a magical feeling in the air. taking advantage of the atmosphere, sara said to the boy,

"oohhh the 6 train..."
"i wonder what she wanted for dinner?"
"i don't know, but she was really hungry...she was gonna hit you"
"sometimes when i get hungry i hit strangers too"
"yah, its a pretty common reaction i guess"
"she was crazy, i love when that shit happens"
"haha, i usually hate it...especially when you hear, 'excuse me ladies and gentlemen, sorry to bother you'...that's my cue to turn the ipod up"
"haha, i always turn it down, pretend to listen to music but really listen to the crazy people...far more entertaining"
"i'll have to keep that in mind for next time"

astor place was up and her friend jason was waiting, she looked back at her train friend and he smiled and looked down as they parted ways. thank god she didn't put on her fit flops, that would've been embarrassing.


note: the accusations of the crazy lady are based on a real life experience in union square.

You helped me find Bleecker While it Poured - w4m - 26 (Deli by #1 station)

We were both taking cover in the rain at a deli/bodega. You had a bag from Bed Bath and Beyond I beleive. You get confused with streets above 23rd and I get confused below 14th. I thought you were super sweet, cute, and nice. Care to show me around your hood and I could show you around mine?

annie woke up on saturday before her roommates did. she loves when this accidentally happens, it means a quiet living room, fresh shower and some piece of mind before all the activity of a saturday. before getting ready she went for a quick run around the neighborhood (upper west side) then stopped at starbucks to get an iced latte. all set for the day, she could hear her roommates shuffling around inside their rooms. she got a distinct feeling that jeff, carrie's boyfriend had spent the night. although she likes him, she'd rather not deal with his antics today. hastily fastening her sandals, annie escaped the trivial interactions with her roommates still one foot in hand as the door closed.

although she loves her friends, annie enjoys that saturday morning solitude that so many of us long for. she grabs another drink at starbucks to sip as she heads down to the west village. there were a few clouds in the sky but nothing to worry about. her ipod on shuffle she smiled as beyonce's single ladies came on, a guilty pleasure for our decidedly indie annie. as she taps her foot to the beat she thinks about where she'll head once she gets off the train. her mind jumps from marc by marc to rag and bone and always ends up at magnolia. if you ask her, she'll deny loving those cupcakes, but, come on, she loves red velvet. plotting her journey, she quickly realizes that as a resident of the upper west side, she is largely unfamiliar with the winding streets of the west village. no matter, she is happy to wander aimlessly in search of retail triump. arcade fire is now on her ipod, thank god, she's cool again. her stop is up and she exits the scarcely populated train into a peculiarly crowded station.

annie realizes it's raining and most MTA patrons are choosing to wait out the downpour underground. it's hot and sticky so she decides to make a break for the nearest above ground shelter. sprinting up the stairs, she wanders into the street in a somewhat dramatic fashion (she's channeling some scarlett o'hara right about now). umbrella-less, she ducks underneath the awning of a deli/bodega. leaning against the window, she is quickly joined by brendan. annie can't really make his face out in the rain, but decides he's probably very handsome. he's cool too because he lives in the west village (who else would be there this early, other than her?). the rain starts to let up and annie remembers that she is essentially lost. just before brendan heads back to the street she pipes up,

"excuse me, do you know which way bleecker street is? i'm a mess below 14th st."
"ha, yah just keep walking that way" he says while gesturing down christopher st.

annie quickly develops one of those instantaneous infatuations with brendan, he's friendly, attractive and based on his outfit, not a d-bag. smiling at him she replies,

"thanks, do you live around here?"
"yah, all my life. it's funny though, i still get confused too...except above 23rd st."

not knowing what to say after this...annie simply retorts with, "well thanks again, see ya round." the two part ways and annie thinks she should've pursued him further. she knows there are no guys like that on the upper west side, only guys like her roommates boyfriend, jeff. jeff the accountant. gross.

14th St A train, heading uptown - w4m - 23 (Chelsea)

14th Street, A train, then...? Between 5 and 6 PM. This is the second time that I've taken the train with you. We're never within convo distance of each other, but I can't help noticing you. Today I thought I caught you checking me out a few times.
You need a shave. But I like it.
If you by some chance do read this, write back and tell me what I was wearing.

danielle is one of those girls that people are publicly friends with, but really, cannot stand. it's not that she's a bad person an it's not that she isn't pretty either. everybody has their version of danielle, that slightly annoying, completely bossy mentality she permeates is just too much to handle. danielle is okay in small doses but anymore than 20 minutes and we're talking lethal. today, our fair bossy lady was en route to her apartment in hell's kitchen. it's a luxury building closer to the west side highway in the 50's, where she lives with her "bff" from college and her "bff's" other "bff". coincidentally, all their aim profiles read, "hell's kitchen's devils, love my girls" and induce homicidal tendencies even in social care workers. danielle had a rough day at work today, and her suit from express shows all the drama she had to deal with. an inter office gchat

daniyell: omg, i'm so over this right now...why do i have to do everything
staySEEluv: ugh i know, it's like nobody does what they're supposed to and i have to deal with everything
daniyell: i can't even believe that i have to do this work right now
staySEEluv: it's out of control how much work i have to do because nobody is doing their work
daniyell: nobody is responsible here, it's like i have 3 jobs for the price of 1, i have so many things on my plate right now
staySEEluv: i am so tired of working, i can't handle it, i need a break...like a real one
daniyell: i did all of the work yesterday and am doing it all now, i am so done!
staySEEluv: i have so much to do.

...and so on and so forth. in reality, the other people in the company are looking to trim the fat and although our danielle isn't hefty...they're looking in her direction because nobody has any idea what she does all day. she was so tired at work today that she skipped out early while everybody else was in a meeting. just before heading into the station she gets a mass bbm from a roommate

jess.E: hey ladies, lets have champers and a roomie conv. 2nite...luv jess

perturbed that jess.E didn't appropriately abbreviate conversation with "convo" she boards the a train. her express suit is really getting the better of her now and her steve by steve madden pointy toe heels aren't helping the situation. she starts checking out the "man candy" (a phrase common to her and her friends) in the car. nobody "within convo distance" is eligible enough for our young lady but she spies a stubble faced gent at the other side of the car. he's casual and well dressed and is the type that NEVER goes for girls like danielle, for they learned their lesson about her type in pre-school. her bossy attitude emerges as she decides that if this relationship is going to work he has to shave. our boy looks over at her and can't help but stare because there is an awkward thing happening with her coach bag strap and her jacket that is providing almost attractive cleavage, but not really. thinking she looks better than ever, danielle takes this as, "date me please, pretty pretty girl and i will shower you with gifts!" she spends the rest of the ride eyeing him and pondering their life together. had only they been in convo distance...they would have connected.

how sad. she returns home for "champers" and a roomie convo.

F train. We both got off at Broadway/Lafayette - w4m - 20 (Downtown)

You were sitting across from me on the F train uptown at around 3 o'clock on Friday. I was wearing a blue dress. You had a plaid shirt. You were reading The Fall. I saw you on the staircase when we got off the subway. I smiled at you.

coffee?

caroline is an intern and she told all of her friends that this is going to be "the best summer ever". she's not just any intern though, she's a fashion intern! caroline landed a gig as a pr intern for tory burch. in truth, she would've preferred to work at one of the golden child labels, alexander wang, rodarte, yigal azrouel or even alexis bittar. but her father's connections could only stretch so far--no marc jacobs or lacroix for her but she's happy enough. after a long day of steaming garments and checking samples in and out of the unforgiving pr closet, she was happy to skip out a little early. summer fridays are a godsend she thinks to herself as she tucks her blackberry pearl into her black quilted chanel bag. she's looking around the train and decides at that moment that she will live in new york when she graduates in 2010. she confidently looks at her reflection in the mirror, mentally complimenting her contrived ensemble of a blue dress, boots and cropped blazer. legs crossed and tapping along to the beat of katy perry she peruses the passengers on the subway, passing silent judgement.

to the boy in the AA tri blend tank: hipster, tired look, over it
to the better dressed girl: who do you think you are? i intern for tory burch (she is an associate editor at conde nast, tread lightly, intern)
to the older man staring at her: perv, you have issues
to the two guys coming from work, talking about work: leave work at the office and take me to a nice dinner
to the mother with the crying baby: why didn't you take a cab? this baby is annoying me
to the man with the bike: you have a bike, why are you taking the subway, lame.

passing judgement has always come naturally to caroline. she's conventionally pretty and with a fashion internship to bolster her ego, it appears there is no stopping her. secretly she dreams of becoming an editrix but with any luck, forces already in place will save us all from her rise to editorial power. caroline blissfully bobs to the beat of kelly clarkson's femme nazi anthem, "i do not hook up" and remembers james, a boy who toyed with her emotions back at her southern conservative university. no matter how hard she tells herself she "does not hook up" she's not fooling herself or anybody else. sadly, caroline will never be one of those girls that owns her own actions.

trent is waiting for the f train that is carrying our fair caroline. he's reading the fall and getting lost in an existential world of confessions, guilt and amsterdam. conventionally handsome, trent used to be into the whole super prep lacrosse deal until he suddenly realized how stupid his surroundings had become. he transferred from george mason to nyu and is taking some summer classes to chalk up the credits that didn't go through. luckily for our caroline, his lacrosse magnetism remains and the moment the doors open, she senses him. girls like caroline could find lacrosse players during pride week in the village if necessary. trent doesn't notice caroline at first, he's used to attention from girls and to be honest is quite sick of it, particularly from girls like caroline. his taste is currently running more towards a brooklyn dwelling, non-hipster, intellectually inclined, strong willed towering beauty (because those are everywhere). caroline is trying her usual tricks, artfully alternating her leg crosses, shuffling her position, brief glances, and even smiling in his direction. trent can feel her gaze and is really put off by it, thinking, "jesus christ bitch, do i look like i'm interested in hooking up with the huge bag of issues you're carrying with you?" from his lacrosse player hook up past, he can spot baggage a mile away. avoiding eye contact still, trent exits as caroline follows behind. with a spirited pace, caroline passes trent on the stairs, looks back through her blonde locks and smiles. a spitting image of his past hook ups and girlfriends, trent averts his eyes.

caroline sings to herself, "i do not hook up" as she bounces up the stairs, wishing she could hook up with trent.

me: cargo shorts - you: toe ring - m4w - 25 (w. village)

I saw you Friday night waiting for the F train at the W. 4th station. I was the guy who looked like a former fraternity date rapist who was checking you out. It was around 12:30am. Me: khaki cargo shorts, ambercrombie sandals, a sun tattoo on my left ankle and an Ed Hardy shirt with this really cool design. I saw you look my way.. You had a hammer toe on your right foot with a pretty toe ring, you were wearing sandals too! I wanna get to know you!

chris is a proud college graduate. he works in one of those finance jobs at one of those finance places in one of those finance cubicles and has one of those finance futures. he is by all means, a dime a dozen new york d-bag. he could potentially be from staten island but most likely hails from the dirty jerz. currently he is co-habitating with two of those finance guys in hell's kitchen in one of those luxury buildings. when it comes down to it, this is the type of guy that new york welcomes at first but will surely spit out at some point in the future. earlier that day he had a gchat with his friend

chris: whatup brah
justin: whatup c
chris: gettin' after it tonight?
justin: for real, going to sway downtown...you down?
chris: i'm game

the rest of the conversation continued to objectify women, detail alcohol plans and possible securing of narcotics. chris hurries home from work that night, while eyeing girls on the train. he's so excited at the prospect of hooking up tonight and can hardly contain himself. he gets home to find one of his roommates watching tv, and they order a pizza. already a few beers deep, chris hops in the shower. before exiting the bathroom he gives himself a pep talk, flex session and hair gel moment in the mirror. then came the outfit decision for the evening, so many decisions. green cargo shorts, khaki cargo shorts, or dark khaki cargo shorts? he rolls with the khaki and takes a shot. he grunts and shakes his head to chase the vodka, so cool. now on to the shirt, the closet doors fling open and the hangers glisten with the light of jewels. like the cave of wonders, you can even here little twinkles! it's a fabled collection of ed hardy and affliction tee's. he dawns a stunning number with a bejeweled skull and of course it says, "love kills slowly" he heads out the door and heads for the subway.

he strategically places himself in front of a window on the train so he can make sure his hair, shirt, cargos, flip flops and general attitude are on point 100% of the time. in typical chris fashion, he thinks every girl on the train is interested in him. why wouldn't they be? he's awesome. he's the king of the bro patrol. before he can undress them all with his eyes, his transfer is up for the F train at W4. waiting for his train he notices anna, who is pacing back and forth in anticipation of the train. chris catches her looking at him, her thoughts are as follows,

"1. ed hardy, goodbye, 2. your hair looks like a biore pore cleansing strip (post cleanse) 3. stop looking at me creepzone 4. why are you going out in shorts? 5. i hope you don't try to talk to me on the train"

his thoughts are

"1. she likes what she sees, i'm down for that 2. who wouldn't like what they see? 3. toe ring, hot. 4. she likes what she sees, i'm down for that. 5. who wouldn't like what they see?"

the train arrives and chris is still checking anna out, his shirt twinkles in the light of the subway train as anna makes a concerted effort to get into a different car. bewildered at this development, chris decides she is a lesbian and heads to sway.

unfortunately for our friend, they do not allow shorts or flip flops at sway and he is rejected straight away.

note: he describes himself as looking like an ex-frat-date-rapist. he is one. beware.