At Bakeri this afternoon - w4m - 25 (Williamsburg)

You were at Bakeri around 1pm this afternoon in the back garden, reading Patti Smith's Just Kids and beep-booping away on your ipad. Gray t-shirt, Sperry boat shoes, a little salt, a lot of pepper. I was with my friend having lunch sitting at a table in front of you, wearing a gray tank top and blue jeans, shoulder-length black hair. Not that it matters since I don't think you even looked up, so this isn't even technically a missed connection.
Whatever, you are super dreamy. Here I go. Don't get weird.

If you aren't gay/taken, I hope this dumb message finds you and maybe we can share a coffee there, at the same table this time.

Elise is an account executive that works in mid-town. It's not her dream job, but it pays the bills. She hopes to do something more creative with her life, but for now, she's content in her snappy black pant suits and sensible high heels. Today though, she wasn't up for going to the office. She woke up in the morning and e-mailed her boss that she was under the weather and would work from home. Of course, we all know working from home means checking e-mail before you leave to do whatever you like. She washed her face, caught up with Matt, Ann, Natalie and Al and called her friend Sam.

Sam doesn't work, he just sort of hangs out on his parent's dime, after all, this is Williamsburg. That makes him the perfect friend to have around when you have a day off, he's almost always available. They met up at about 11:00 and bummed around for a little while before Sam suggested some food. Elise was already growing tired of his company and hoped that some sustenance would help...at least she wasn't back at the office, right?

A casual and approachable hostess sat the pair down at a table. After reading the menu ten times, Elise looked up from the table and saw Michael. Michael was playing hooky just like Elise from his photo assistant job and he certainly looked the part. He was engrossed in Just Kids and couldn't really be bothered to look up, even at our almost-charming Elise.

Sam could see that Elise was losing interest in his discussion of how cartoons used to be better before Pixar came on the scene noticed her gaze was fixed on Michael in the corner.

"It's rude to stare, it's also rude to you know, ignore me."
"Sorry, I'm trying to get his attention."
"Oh yah, because he can definitely hear your eyes undressing him."
"Sam, get a job, you're a waste of life."
"Okay, how about you shut up."
"Sam."
"How about you go to your job."
"Whatever, I'm tired"
"You're not tired of being stupid."
"Wow."
"Also, that guy is clearly gay."

Before the two could finish their bickering, the waitress came to take their order and Elise's laser focus was broken. Oh no! Lasers! She thought better of her staring and figured he wasn't going to look up and after all, maybe it wasn't her fault, maybe Sam was right and Michael was gay. Meanwhile, Michael had absolutely no clue what was going on.

When she got in to work the next morning, Elise got bored in minutes and decided she'd test fate and post a missed connection. As she wrote it, she felt silly and naive, but it was either that or the exciting world of Excel.

Chat about crazy lady on 6 train - w4m (Midtown East)

You and I had an interesting moment on the 6 train Monday evening when an insane woman almost hit you. We had a laugh and chat about it afterward. When I got off at Astor and looked back you smiled. Wish I had given you my number. The moment was magical.

sara lives down in the financial district. if it were up to her she'd live somewhere like nolita or the west village but with her current financial situation, she'd have to live with 5 people. although it may seem like a good idea, she knows that it's something she'd regret down the line. so for now she has a studio at a recession rental rate. by day, sara works for an uptight communications firm in midtown. it's not ideal, but who has an ideal job these days anyway? she'd prefer a more casual place, a boutique firm where they have a nerf basketball hoop or something in the office. today at work, she gets a text in the morning from jason. the two met in college and grew close fast, they only hang out once every couple weeks but it's always a good time

jason: hey dinner tonight?
sara: heyyy can't do dinner (LIES) coffee?
jason: yah starbucks in astor?
sara: sounds good see you at 7?
jason: yupp later

work is slow that day, long meeting to long meeting to meetings talking about previous long meetings and touchbases. 6:30 rolls around and she's off to meet jason in astor place. she grabs her bag and sees her guilty secret...fit flops..."no" she thinks, not today. pumps and all she descends to the 6 train at 59th st. she experiences that sheer joy as the train pulls up right as she enters and congratulates herself, she timed it perfectly today, well done.

she snags a seat before the slow moving, morbidly obese new yorkers can get to the bench. she wonders how they even manage this city at all, especially in the summer. a boy sits next to her and she doesn't think anything of it, she's more distracted by the ridiculous insane person coming from the other car. the woman keeps screaming that everybody is afraid of black people and that's why nobody is looking at her. sara makes no attempt at eye contact with crazy. as people turn to ignore the insane beast, her frustration grows. she is hungry for a victim and has her sites set on the boy to sara's right.

the insane lady goes right up to him, "what bitch, why you lookin' down, you afraid of black people?" sara looks down and is starting to get a little scared but doesn't show it, her headphones will protect her. the wretched woman continues to the boy, "what bitch?! what!? what now?" and then makes a bizarre request, "order me dinner bitch!" sara loses control and starts giggling, the dinner request was over the top, but typical of a subway lunatic. the boy buried his head in his hands as if he was laughing, which angered the wretched beast. she raised her hand to hit him but decided he was not worth it and shuffled off to the next train. the boy lifted his head up and burst out laughing. other train go-ers were recounting the confrontation and smiling...there was a magical feeling in the air. taking advantage of the atmosphere, sara said to the boy,

"oohhh the 6 train..."
"i wonder what she wanted for dinner?"
"i don't know, but she was really hungry...she was gonna hit you"
"sometimes when i get hungry i hit strangers too"
"yah, its a pretty common reaction i guess"
"she was crazy, i love when that shit happens"
"haha, i usually hate it...especially when you hear, 'excuse me ladies and gentlemen, sorry to bother you'...that's my cue to turn the ipod up"
"haha, i always turn it down, pretend to listen to music but really listen to the crazy people...far more entertaining"
"i'll have to keep that in mind for next time"

astor place was up and her friend jason was waiting, she looked back at her train friend and he smiled and looked down as they parted ways. thank god she didn't put on her fit flops, that would've been embarrassing.


note: the accusations of the crazy lady are based on a real life experience in union square.

You helped me find Bleecker While it Poured - w4m - 26 (Deli by #1 station)

We were both taking cover in the rain at a deli/bodega. You had a bag from Bed Bath and Beyond I beleive. You get confused with streets above 23rd and I get confused below 14th. I thought you were super sweet, cute, and nice. Care to show me around your hood and I could show you around mine?

annie woke up on saturday before her roommates did. she loves when this accidentally happens, it means a quiet living room, fresh shower and some piece of mind before all the activity of a saturday. before getting ready she went for a quick run around the neighborhood (upper west side) then stopped at starbucks to get an iced latte. all set for the day, she could hear her roommates shuffling around inside their rooms. she got a distinct feeling that jeff, carrie's boyfriend had spent the night. although she likes him, she'd rather not deal with his antics today. hastily fastening her sandals, annie escaped the trivial interactions with her roommates still one foot in hand as the door closed.

although she loves her friends, annie enjoys that saturday morning solitude that so many of us long for. she grabs another drink at starbucks to sip as she heads down to the west village. there were a few clouds in the sky but nothing to worry about. her ipod on shuffle she smiled as beyonce's single ladies came on, a guilty pleasure for our decidedly indie annie. as she taps her foot to the beat she thinks about where she'll head once she gets off the train. her mind jumps from marc by marc to rag and bone and always ends up at magnolia. if you ask her, she'll deny loving those cupcakes, but, come on, she loves red velvet. plotting her journey, she quickly realizes that as a resident of the upper west side, she is largely unfamiliar with the winding streets of the west village. no matter, she is happy to wander aimlessly in search of retail triump. arcade fire is now on her ipod, thank god, she's cool again. her stop is up and she exits the scarcely populated train into a peculiarly crowded station.

annie realizes it's raining and most MTA patrons are choosing to wait out the downpour underground. it's hot and sticky so she decides to make a break for the nearest above ground shelter. sprinting up the stairs, she wanders into the street in a somewhat dramatic fashion (she's channeling some scarlett o'hara right about now). umbrella-less, she ducks underneath the awning of a deli/bodega. leaning against the window, she is quickly joined by brendan. annie can't really make his face out in the rain, but decides he's probably very handsome. he's cool too because he lives in the west village (who else would be there this early, other than her?). the rain starts to let up and annie remembers that she is essentially lost. just before brendan heads back to the street she pipes up,

"excuse me, do you know which way bleecker street is? i'm a mess below 14th st."
"ha, yah just keep walking that way" he says while gesturing down christopher st.

annie quickly develops one of those instantaneous infatuations with brendan, he's friendly, attractive and based on his outfit, not a d-bag. smiling at him she replies,

"thanks, do you live around here?"
"yah, all my life. it's funny though, i still get confused too...except above 23rd st."

not knowing what to say after this...annie simply retorts with, "well thanks again, see ya round." the two part ways and annie thinks she should've pursued him further. she knows there are no guys like that on the upper west side, only guys like her roommates boyfriend, jeff. jeff the accountant. gross.

14th St A train, heading uptown - w4m - 23 (Chelsea)

14th Street, A train, then...? Between 5 and 6 PM. This is the second time that I've taken the train with you. We're never within convo distance of each other, but I can't help noticing you. Today I thought I caught you checking me out a few times.
You need a shave. But I like it.
If you by some chance do read this, write back and tell me what I was wearing.

danielle is one of those girls that people are publicly friends with, but really, cannot stand. it's not that she's a bad person an it's not that she isn't pretty either. everybody has their version of danielle, that slightly annoying, completely bossy mentality she permeates is just too much to handle. danielle is okay in small doses but anymore than 20 minutes and we're talking lethal. today, our fair bossy lady was en route to her apartment in hell's kitchen. it's a luxury building closer to the west side highway in the 50's, where she lives with her "bff" from college and her "bff's" other "bff". coincidentally, all their aim profiles read, "hell's kitchen's devils, love my girls" and induce homicidal tendencies even in social care workers. danielle had a rough day at work today, and her suit from express shows all the drama she had to deal with. an inter office gchat

daniyell: omg, i'm so over this right now...why do i have to do everything
staySEEluv: ugh i know, it's like nobody does what they're supposed to and i have to deal with everything
daniyell: i can't even believe that i have to do this work right now
staySEEluv: it's out of control how much work i have to do because nobody is doing their work
daniyell: nobody is responsible here, it's like i have 3 jobs for the price of 1, i have so many things on my plate right now
staySEEluv: i am so tired of working, i can't handle it, i need a break...like a real one
daniyell: i did all of the work yesterday and am doing it all now, i am so done!
staySEEluv: i have so much to do.

...and so on and so forth. in reality, the other people in the company are looking to trim the fat and although our danielle isn't hefty...they're looking in her direction because nobody has any idea what she does all day. she was so tired at work today that she skipped out early while everybody else was in a meeting. just before heading into the station she gets a mass bbm from a roommate

jess.E: hey ladies, lets have champers and a roomie conv. 2nite...luv jess

perturbed that jess.E didn't appropriately abbreviate conversation with "convo" she boards the a train. her express suit is really getting the better of her now and her steve by steve madden pointy toe heels aren't helping the situation. she starts checking out the "man candy" (a phrase common to her and her friends) in the car. nobody "within convo distance" is eligible enough for our young lady but she spies a stubble faced gent at the other side of the car. he's casual and well dressed and is the type that NEVER goes for girls like danielle, for they learned their lesson about her type in pre-school. her bossy attitude emerges as she decides that if this relationship is going to work he has to shave. our boy looks over at her and can't help but stare because there is an awkward thing happening with her coach bag strap and her jacket that is providing almost attractive cleavage, but not really. thinking she looks better than ever, danielle takes this as, "date me please, pretty pretty girl and i will shower you with gifts!" she spends the rest of the ride eyeing him and pondering their life together. had only they been in convo distance...they would have connected.

how sad. she returns home for "champers" and a roomie convo.

two guys at the met - w4m - 18 (Midtown)

we made eye contact when i laughed at a certain thing you did to a statue. tell me what you did to that statue and in which exhibit the statue was. thanks for giving me a little laugh on saturday!

elizabeth pembroke lives in the city, and is a member of the upper east real side, that is to say she doesn't live in normandie court but on east end, york, park, madison or museum mile. it should be known that lex, 3rd, 2nd & 1st are reffered to as the upper way east side by myself and my cohorts. we know york and east end and york are further east, but they have that same feel of park and the others. anyway, elizabeth lives with her family in a lovely pre-war brick and white trim building with a doorman and working fireplaces. the pembrokes don't live in the penthouse though, a fact they publicly ignore but privately abhor. she goes to spence along with a great many of her friends and has aspirations to study art history in college so she can become a young "gallerina" when she returns home.

on this particular day, her step-mother was annoying the hell out of her, she kept insisting they go get their hair done together. elizabeth saw this as yet another transparent attempt at bonding and wonders when step mom will just get the picture that it's not going to happen. step mom continues to probe elizabeth as to what else she is doing today that's so important. in truth, she had no plans and most of her friends skipped town for the hamptons this weekend. she would be there with them except their home is being fumigated this weekend. feeling trapped in her classic six+two apartment, elizabeth lies to step mom and says she is meeting a friend downtown for lunch and shopping. knowing that step mom despises downtown, she is safe and heads out the door-balenciaga, iphone and blackberry in hand. she rides the elevator with a boy who lives a few floors above, he goes to dalton, she smiles and considers spending the rest of her life with him. his girlfriend, a true ho-bag waits in the lobby in some kind of trash bag uniform. repulsed, elizabeth walks out and thanks the kindly doorman.

planless she debates window shopping madison, a walk through the park, or actually going downtown. elizabeth makes her mind up to hit the park today. on her way she walks by the met and decides that the heat will get the better of her and it would be most comfortable to peruse the galleries in the air conditioned, art filled halls. gracefully squeezing through the crowds, elizabeth heads to the greek and roman galleries. ipod still in her ears she walks slowly and pensively from one sculpture to another. as she examines the drapery on one statue, she sees two guys horsing around in the distance. at first thought, she considers them stupid and disrespectful but somehow can't stop looking at them. dan, the clear leader of the mini bro patrol looks behind a woman statue and pretends to lift it's dress to get a peek at what's underneath while jason snaps a picture. after rebounding from the flash, dan looks up to see elizabeth laughing and they briefly make eye contact and smile. before they get the chance to talk to each other, dan's friend jason waves him over to another statue they can pseudo-desecrate. still laughing to herself--elizabeth exits the gallery to continue wandering the museum, keeping a watchful eye out for her comedian.

Butter Monday 7/6 - w4m - 23 (noho)

Only an entirely random series of coincidences would bring you to see this but what else are tuesday mornings for anyway? Met you on Monday the 6th and thought you were both handsome and charming but was too shy to talk to you on my way out. You were wearing a black suit-type jacket and a white shirt. You got me with your joke about going downstairs for the party later that night.

I now feel silly for doing this but I'm hoping you'll come in on another night when I'm working so I can try this again minus the reticence.

tracy is a confident young new york woman. she moved here after going to a small liberal arts school and when she first settled, her parents were paying for her rent in a lux doorman building on the upper way east side. she lives with her friend jessica, who used to write her name with hearts over the "i". tracy works, but she isn't a career type and is secretly jealous of women who pursue rewarding and fulfilling careers. her job at a communications firm is sufficient for income, but will no doubt lead to general distaste towards the city. on july 6, she gchatted roomie jessica who works as a hallway decoration (attractive assistant) at a hedge fund.

trace: heyyyyyyyy
jessie: heyyyyyyyyyy
nothing is said for 2 hours
trace: heyyyyyyyyyy
trace: what are we doing tonight??? do you wanna go out?
jessie: um, yes. drinking?
trace: isn't that what going out means?
jessie: truth, you're destined to be on texts from last night someday
trace: love it

they make plans to meet at butter for dinner at about 8:15, no dates tonight...it's a "girls night out". trace decides to skip out of work early and go home to change into something that straddles the line of carrie from sex and the city and samantha from sex and the city. even though it is a girls night out, she wants the he-men of the city to know she's available an open for business. trace makes her way downtown to meet jessie who headed up straight from work, but dresses casually for her job. they're running a little late and the hostess is visibly perturbed at their tardiness and outfit decisions. the hostess is an intern at tory burch by day, so obviously, she has some authority. our heroines wait at the bar and have a cocktail while perusing the scene full of their own crowd and devoid of any depth. dinner is uneventful as the two talk about work problems, parent problems and how they have no money (their tab runs easily to $150, but they're "so poor").

as they make their exit, jessie realizes she left her pink blackberry pearl at the table and she goes back to get it. while waiting for her slow poke/drunkish crony, tracy is taken with a guy at the front. he is wearing boot cut jeans that are ripped at the bottom, black loafers, you can't see but he is definitely wearing white gym socks, a white button down and a black blazer. his name is chris, and he is headed for the podium to check in about a table for him and his bro patrol. tracy overhears that his table can't be sat until his whole party arrives and says, "isn't that like the dumbest rule ever? how many people travel with all their friends?" chris replies, "i know, my boys are coming in from jersey and it's always a mess." just then two extremely well dressed tall girls check in at the podium for a party in the birch room, "have you ever been down there, it's so cool!" one says to the other as they shuffle off. they annoy chris and tracy, but in reality they wish they could hang out with these girls, "wow that party must be SO COOL if it's in the birch room" remarks chris. tracy giggles a little bit. just then, tracy's drunken comrade emerges from the dining room. chris's bro patrol arrives and in the hurried mix of new jersey boys and soon to be new jersey girls, our two would be lovers lose their connection.