me: cargo shorts - you: toe ring - m4w - 25 (w. village)

I saw you Friday night waiting for the F train at the W. 4th station. I was the guy who looked like a former fraternity date rapist who was checking you out. It was around 12:30am. Me: khaki cargo shorts, ambercrombie sandals, a sun tattoo on my left ankle and an Ed Hardy shirt with this really cool design. I saw you look my way.. You had a hammer toe on your right foot with a pretty toe ring, you were wearing sandals too! I wanna get to know you!

chris is a proud college graduate. he works in one of those finance jobs at one of those finance places in one of those finance cubicles and has one of those finance futures. he is by all means, a dime a dozen new york d-bag. he could potentially be from staten island but most likely hails from the dirty jerz. currently he is co-habitating with two of those finance guys in hell's kitchen in one of those luxury buildings. when it comes down to it, this is the type of guy that new york welcomes at first but will surely spit out at some point in the future. earlier that day he had a gchat with his friend

chris: whatup brah
justin: whatup c
chris: gettin' after it tonight?
justin: for real, going to sway downtown...you down?
chris: i'm game

the rest of the conversation continued to objectify women, detail alcohol plans and possible securing of narcotics. chris hurries home from work that night, while eyeing girls on the train. he's so excited at the prospect of hooking up tonight and can hardly contain himself. he gets home to find one of his roommates watching tv, and they order a pizza. already a few beers deep, chris hops in the shower. before exiting the bathroom he gives himself a pep talk, flex session and hair gel moment in the mirror. then came the outfit decision for the evening, so many decisions. green cargo shorts, khaki cargo shorts, or dark khaki cargo shorts? he rolls with the khaki and takes a shot. he grunts and shakes his head to chase the vodka, so cool. now on to the shirt, the closet doors fling open and the hangers glisten with the light of jewels. like the cave of wonders, you can even here little twinkles! it's a fabled collection of ed hardy and affliction tee's. he dawns a stunning number with a bejeweled skull and of course it says, "love kills slowly" he heads out the door and heads for the subway.

he strategically places himself in front of a window on the train so he can make sure his hair, shirt, cargos, flip flops and general attitude are on point 100% of the time. in typical chris fashion, he thinks every girl on the train is interested in him. why wouldn't they be? he's awesome. he's the king of the bro patrol. before he can undress them all with his eyes, his transfer is up for the F train at W4. waiting for his train he notices anna, who is pacing back and forth in anticipation of the train. chris catches her looking at him, her thoughts are as follows,

"1. ed hardy, goodbye, 2. your hair looks like a biore pore cleansing strip (post cleanse) 3. stop looking at me creepzone 4. why are you going out in shorts? 5. i hope you don't try to talk to me on the train"

his thoughts are

"1. she likes what she sees, i'm down for that 2. who wouldn't like what they see? 3. toe ring, hot. 4. she likes what she sees, i'm down for that. 5. who wouldn't like what they see?"

the train arrives and chris is still checking anna out, his shirt twinkles in the light of the subway train as anna makes a concerted effort to get into a different car. bewildered at this development, chris decides she is a lesbian and heads to sway.

unfortunately for our friend, they do not allow shorts or flip flops at sway and he is rejected straight away.

note: he describes himself as looking like an ex-frat-date-rapist. he is one. beware.